How do you stay so calm in the midst of a storm?
I was asked that question recently during a heartfelt conversation with a person I had just met. My "situation" often leaves people wondering how I am even able to manage my life as a single mother of three children and a full-time job.
Life threw unexpected challenges at me which were hard to deal with. Some of them are even worthy of a book, some people say.
I am sure many of you have faced challenges no one knows about.
Never judge a book by it's cover...
What people do not see on the outside, is that the road towards this state of resilience and calmness, contained a lot of "poor" decisions, mistakes and tough challenges.
Navigating through challenges whilst staying true to myself, is how I have learned the most. Learning from my biggest mistakes, made me the calm resilient person I am today. I know now that whatever life throws at me, I am able to get back on my feet again.
I have learned because I failed, and got up again, often.
In my living room I have all the books. The self-help books, the leadership books by Simon Sinek, the coaching guides. I enjoyed reading them a lot and every month I devour a new book. Books have given me inspiration, but the challenges and the issues I had to overcome, they taught me most.
Creating a learning organization is not only about studying, CBT's, leadership tracks and trainings. The mistakes, challenges and the learning opportunities create true resilience.
There is this trend, that is actually not that beneficial to creating a resilient and learning organization. A behavior I am observing is the "curling technique ". A technique quite a few parents use at home raising their children. A technique quite a few managers use raising the next generation of leaders. You might also know it as "helicopter parenting"
What is the "curling technique"?
The Danish psychologist "Bent Hougaard" came up with the terminology for parents who protect their children from all the challenges and risks life brings us at all costs. They strive to make their children feel safe and protected.
Who could be against that, right?
Some of the behavioral aspects of "curling" are"
Smoothening the way, remove obstacles
(Digital) control
Taking over tasks that are naturally fit
Striving for the best education
Curling parents deprive their children of the most valuable lesson: mistakes, challenges and failure.
Do you recognize this?
I did, and it helped me change my parenting style, at least a bit. I still fail at parenting, often...
With leaders we sometimes observe the same kind of behavior.
Stepping in when things go wrong
Focussing only on learning opportunities like books, trainings and tracks for personal development
Smoothening the way, removing obstacles
What we create with this behavior, are less tolerant, less resilient organizations with less problem-solving capabilities.
Curling managers deprive their organization of the most valuable lesson: mistakes, challenges and failure.
Do you recognize yourself?
Do you want to turn the tide as a leader and start creating a resilient organization?
Here are a few options.
Start making mistakes yourself and be proud of it.
Create room for others to fail.
Believe that everyone will get up again.
Start making mistakes yourself and be proud of it.
We all make mistakes, because we are humans. You can inspire others by being open about the challenges you faced and your failures. Failures will
not be perceived as such. Nobody will remember what happened, everyone will remember how you have dealt with it. Celebrate the road to resilience!
Create room for others to fail.
The moment you find yourself "curling" with the best intentions, take a step back and check if you are actually depriving the other of a lesson or an opportunity to learn and grow.
Believe that everyone will get up again
We are all capable. Trust the other person and the process. If you would like to do something for the other, stick to feedback and support.
Learn by failing, often, and start creating the resilient organization
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